Aidil 0.1.57
Friday, December 09, 2005
hi blog..we meet again..well..toDAy i'm feelin guilty for wat i have said to her...i told her i hate it when she tOks abt her ''fren''well..i juz couLDn't control it for much longer period so i juz splashed it out..i dunno if she's ok for me speakin the truth..i dunno y i'm feelin that way,i juz felt tt way when she TOk abt it..it somehow make me feel so sad..haiz..i think she's irritated by my character..haiz..but wat can i say??i'm also irritated to my own character...anD nOW high chance that shE wilL stOp tOkin to me...coz i feel angry towarDs her ''fren''..i dun basically feel angry actually,it's juz tt my morale will drOP all of a sudden,it's like a gun being shot direCtly to my heart..i noe i got nth to do wif her...but i dunno i'm feelin this way??haiz..and i feel very very bad abt it...now i keep thinkin of wat i've said earlier..am i wrong by sayin tt..?haiz..i'm too straight...yea..one mistake and all gone..i apologise a thousand times to her..i noe she very angry on me..well..i'm not surprise if she stops tOkin to me now...
GOD,y am i in this situation??????????????did i do something wrong earlier,till i get punish like this??now ppl hate me...HATRED ON AIDIL...
I hope she noes i'm not like this b4..this is the first time i'm like this..i think i didn't control my emotions...I noe it's not wrong for her to tOk abt her fren..but i'm somehow jealous!!!
I noe i got nth to do wif her oso..i'm not her bro,i'm not her boyfren,i'm nth!!but y am i feelin this way?!?!!?!?!?!?!?
i like her so much until jealousy appear in my mind?!?!?!?well now she's stopped tOkin to me...i hope she read this blog and she understand wat i wan to tell her actually...i nvr meant to say those things...tapi...
nOW all my hopes dash down the drains...i feel that my life is useless..
i think the reason for all this becoz she used to say it's very fun tOkin to him,he makes me happy...and i nvr get those compliments b4...maybe i'm feelin this way..
but tt's not the pt....
i think from tt day onwards my mindset changes...i dun mind her tOkin to other male frens but i feel quite hopeless when she said abt him...
tOday really has made an impact on my life,my mindset and more...
The worse things that has happened is that she's stopped tOkin to me....nOW my mind keep thinkin abt this..i feel so useless..and i'm goin to quit my job tmr...i got no mood!!!
No her,NO life..No her.my brain is jammed...NO her,i feel so lonely and boring!!!..i noe she won't forgive me..she said it's ok..but i noe the worDs ''it's ok'' nvr appear in her heart and mind..
Lastly,i still wanna apologise to her...wif my sincere heart,i aplogise to her till the end oF the sea...even if she's ok,she will still have bad impression on me..like wat malay ppl say ''luka sudah hlg,parut maseh ada..'':(
